TCK myths: language learning by osmosis

If our children spend their formative years in Turkey, which is our plan, they will be Third Culture Kids - TCKs for short. One of the most commonly used definitions of a TCK is:

“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, a sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.” (Pollock and Van Reken)

J and S are growing up in a culture that is not mine and L's culture or their passport culture. Because they are growing up in a different culture to the UK, they will never feel fully British. But with British parents and a British passport, they will never feel fully Turkish either. They will develop a strong relationship with both British and Turkish cultures but their sense of belonging and identity will be to a third culture i.e. to the group of people who have also grown up in different cultures from their parents. In other words, J and S are likely to find more in common with other TCKs (even if they are, for example, American but grew up in South Asia) than they will with those who are British and have lived in the UK their whole lives.

There are many, many things that have been written about the advantages and challenges of being a TCK by people far more knowledgeable than me so I'm not going to repeat them. But I do want to dispel some of the myths about TCKs.

One that I have heard several times relates to TCKs naturally achieving fluency in the language of their host country. It's the different variants of 'your children will be so privileged, they'll grow up speaking Turkish', with the assumption that just because we live in Turkey, our children will learn to speak Turkish fluently and be bilingual.

Unfortunately, this is not true. Language learning by osmosis is sadly not a recognised method of language acquisition, much as I wish it were. I think that the view is that because children learn and grow so fast, they will just automatically 'pick up' a second (or third etc.) language by being around it and hearing it.

However, it takes time and effort for anyone, including children, to learn a language. Unsurprisingly, children who are immersed from a young age in a day care setting or school where the second language is the main language spoken do learn the second language well. But that is because they are spending eight hours a day hearing that language, five days a week for the entire academic year! I have no doubt that if I were to spend that amount of time in a Turkish speaking environment, my Turkish proficiency (at least in listening and comprehension) would improve significantly. Even then, despite the immersion, it is very common for a child not to speak the second language at all for a year or so.

The advantage young children do have in learning a language is that they may be less self conscious about speaking the second language, feel less pressure to be perfect and speak with a better accent. But it is not necessarily true that the younger a child is, the quicker they will learn a second language. Language skills transfer from one language to another and a young child may not yet have training or skills in their mother tongue to transfer to a second language.

We hope that our children will speak Turkish well. We're not actually aiming for them to be bilingual or to be academically fluent in Turkish. The ability to speak more than one language is a great advantage - as well as the practical benefits of speaking a second language, it also stretches and develops the brain in different ways. But we are realistic enough to know that English will be their first language and that mastery of English, not just proficiency, is vital. So we are planning and aiming for the boys to be fluent at a conversational level in Turkish but accepting that they will not have the academic fluency to complete their education in Turkish or be at the same level as their Turkish peers in reading and writing.

As our children are still young and spent most of their time at home with me, they naturally hear a lot of English and we have to work hard on their Turkish. It's been suggested that we could put J in a creche or preschool to improve his Turkish but for various reasons that's not something we're considering at the moment. The boys hear Turkish a fair amount on Sundays and if we go to Turkish people's houses or people come to us. But that is not enough for them to learn Turkish. Sometimes L and I will speak Turkish at home and try and encourage the boys by speaking to them in Turkish. Generally if I'm out in public with the boys and there are other people around, I'll try and talk to them in Turkish. We also have books and songs in Turkish, a lot of the (limited) screen time they are allowed is in Turkish (thank goodness for Thomas the Tank Engine dubbed into Turkish!). They are also currently using an online program called DinoLingo which is designed to teach a second language through videos and animated stories. And one of the most useful things we are now doing is that the boys have an oyun ablası ("play big sister") who comes one morning a week. She looks after the boys, plays with them and speaks to them entirely in Turkish which allows me a couple of hours to get some admin work/language study/rest in. From next week, J will also start a twice weekly gymnastics lesson at a local sports centre. This will obviously be entirely in Turkish, which I think will be quite a learning curve for him and maybe not very easy to start with, but should be good for him.

And with all that, so far J is actually able to understand some basic Turkish. He'll speak some odd words and phrases but generally prefers not to speak in Turkish right now, which is very normal. S doesn't speak at all yet in any comprehensible language, although he understands a fair amount of English and I'm pretty sure he understands 'yapma!' in Turkish (which translates as 'don't do that!).

We understand that learning a language is a process, it takes time and children learn in their own time and we're grateful for the progress that they are making. But we are definitely conscious that TCKs do not automatically learn the language of the country they live in and that it will take time, effort and active work on our part to help J and S learn Turkish.

Neighbours

I asked a lady I know recently how she became a believer.  She told me that when they lived in a previous apartment, they got to know a Turkish family who were living in the same building. The family they got to know were already believers and told them the Good News and invited them along to a Sunday gathering. The lady's husband believed first and about a year ago the lady believed. She finished by telling me that if this other family hadn't happened to live in the same building she would never have become a Christian.

There are about 1 million people in our city and less than a handful of believing Turkish families. In statistical terms, the chance of finding yourself living in the same building as a Christian Turkish family is minuscule.

We're obviously not Turkish but we have the same Good News to share. So my prayer is that in 2019 we would build relationships with our neighbours and have opportunities to share the reason for the hope that we have. And beyond that, considering that the chance of living in the same building as a believer is so small, that we would be able to develop relationships with others in the community.

Humanly speaking it seems hopeless. There are so many people here who have never met a Christian, never opened God's Word, never seriously considered the claims of Jesus. There are so few believers.

But our God doesn't deal in 'humanly speaking'. It wasn't an accident that led to my friend living in the same building as a Turkish Christian family or that led to that family befriending their neighbours. Our God is sovereign and he is at work here. And knowing that gives me the faith to pray that this next year there will be people added to the Kingdom from this city - and then the impetus to get to work myself.

"And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

Grace and patience

A few different people in the UK have asked if we have a service on Christmas Day morning. If you are British, that is a perfectly normal and reasonable question to ask. If you live in Turkey, it is a question that doesn't need to be asked. Christmas Day is a normal working day here. It also falls right in the middle of one of the regular exam periods for university students - a student friend was not impressed when she realised she had three exams scheduled for Christmas Day! So a Christmas Day daytime service is not even a consideration here - 70%-80% of your congregation wouldn't be able to attend, which would be rather unfair, and because there is no concept of such a service people don't even think of it as something that they're missing out on or would like to do if they could.

There's lots of different directions this blog post could go at this point. I could talk about the impact and influence of Western Christianity here and how we have to be careful because our default position is for our culture to be mixed up with the application of truth to our lives. (And even if you're from a tradition that doesn't really celebrate Christmas and definitely doesn't want to mix symbols such as Christmas trees with any celebration of our Saviour's birth, that too is mixing a particular sub-culture with application of truth). I could talk about how the community of believers here is developing their own Christmas traditions. I could talk about how there is also the effect of Eastern Christianity here and how traditionally the 6th of January has been celebrated as Christmas in Turkey.

But actually there's something else that comes to mind. We've now lived in Turkey for not far off three years. L and I have now spent more than half of the time we've been married living in Turkey. Living in a different country and culture changes you. It exposes you to different ways of thinking and ways of life. It stretches you and shifts your perception so that you see the world through different lenses to people who have lived in one country their whole lives.

So let's make a deal. When you ask questions or make comments that I, in my default position of pride, would inwardly roll my eyes at because the answer is so blindingly obvious, I'll choose to show grace and patience to you because I live here and you don't and when I came here I didn't know the things that are now so obvious to me. And in return, when I start questioning everything that seems so clear and obvious to you and when I make comments that make you seriously wonder if we've completely gone off the rails and maybe even when I (wrongly) sometimes seem like I know better than you because I've lived in more than one country, you can choose to show grace and patience to me. And maybe we'll both grow in understanding that way.

And maybe choosing to show grace and patience is generally an especially good principle to remember at Christmas time, as most people spend time with family members who are very much loved but also can hold quite differing views on a wide variety of topics. That, and don't mention Brexit.

Christmas traditions

It's December so I think I can officially start talking about Christmas now.

This is going to be our third Christmas in Turkey! We're especially excited about this year because in addition to my parents' visit at the end of last month, L's parents are coming straight after Christmas.

But as it's our third Christmas, we've also had time to slowly start to think about how we celebrate Christmas in a country where Christmas is not celebrated. What traditions do we bring from a 'traditional British Christmas'? What can we happily leave behind? As people who believe the amazing news that our Saviour humbled himself by becoming human and being born as a baby, how does that impact how we celebrate Christmas? How do our traditions and celebrations appear to our non-believing neighbours and our believing friends? We started to think more about it last year, then we all got proper flu and that wiped out at least the first half of December. I'm sure we will continue to think and adapt our traditions.

But this year, J is now three and understands a bit more about Christmas (as evidenced the other day when he announced "I think that when it is Christmas, I am going to get a Lightning McQueen [character from the Cars Disney film] duvet cover". He's not.) 

On the 1st December, we had a special breakfast and got all of our Christmas books out. There was also be a new Christmas advent book. This year it's 'The Christmas Promise', part of the 'Tales that tell the truth' series. We already have a couple of books from that series that we love so I had high hopes for 'The Christmas Promise' and it is an excellent book (and it gets bonus points for not mentioning a stable and the fact when the wise men arrive, they're presenting gifts to a small toddler rather than a newborn baby). Last year our advent book was 'Song of the stars' by Sally Lloyd-Jones and we loved that too. 

We now have a fabric Advent Calendar that we can re-use every year. This year I'm planning on putting in some small chocolates and occasional small presents (like a new pair of socks) for some of the days, but we're also going to have some 'acts of kindness' to do on different days, like baking cookies and taking them to neighbours, making a special effort to share our toys, or concentrating on using kind words. And then our Christmas tree will go up in the next couple of days as well. 

Over the last couple of years, I've noticed that as a family, we're making advent a bigger thing. I think there's been a bit of a resurgence of thinking about advent in certain circles in recent years so in some ways we're jumping on that bandwagon. In other ways, it fits the situation here. In the UK, it's rather difficult to avoid Christmas in December and the weeks leading up to Christmas can be jam-packed with activities, so we often need to be reminded to slow down and take time to remember the miracle of the Incarnation. Here, especially outside of certain areas of Istanbul, there is (understandably) absolutely no way that you could know it's December and Christmas will be in a couple of weeks. So advent is becoming an important way for us to build up to Christmas and have time to read and talk about the amazing good news of Christmas.

As for Christmas itself, on the Sunday before Christmas Day there will be a special service to invite visitors too. In Turkey, Christmas Day is a normal working day so our Wednesday midweek meeting will be a special gathering for the believers. It's interesting seeing how the believers celebrate Christmas - some things are clearly borrowed from the West (Christmas trees!) and even here it is a special opportunity to invite people to a Sunday service. Other things are less important e.g. present giving.

We have really enjoyed hosting lots of people, especially international students, for a special Christmas meal close to Christmas Day in previous years in both the UK and Turkey, and as we have quite a lot of students here, both Turkish and international, that is something we'll probably do again - likely on the Sunday afternoon before Christmas. We usually do a traditional British Christmas dinner (although it will be chicken not Turkey on the menu and I think we'll be skipping the pork sausages this year now we're out of Istanbul!), which has gone down well in the past.

As for Christmas Day itself, we're planning for it to be a low key family day. There may be a family Christmas dinner and there will definitely be chicken and stuffing sandwiches at some point. The good news is that I think we probably have a higher chance of a White Christmas than if we were in the UK, and if we drive part way up Mount Erciyes, we are guaranteed to find snow!

Things a 3.5 year old says

J is at a lovely age (most of the time). His English vocabulary is rapidly expanding - as is his Turkish vocabulary, although not to the same extent. His running commentary on life certainly makes life more interesting and frequently entertaining. Occasionally L and I find ourselves trying desperately not to laugh.

Here's a few highlights from the last few weeks:

"Thank you for my beautiful tea Mummy!"

"S is a terror!" (L is to blame for that one, not me!)

Me: "We're going to the zoo! What do you think we're going to see?"
J: "A pterodactyl?"

[J announces to a Turkish visitor at our house] "I'm making bacon! This is my bacon! I like bacon sandwiches!"

Me: "What do you think Gilly Babes [my mum] would like for her birthday?
J: "A dumper truck!"

[J trying to teach S to talk] "Say 'Thomas [the tank engine] and friends'"

"This is my train. His name is Trainy."

[J to S] "Don't knock my tower over, little one."

What temperature does water boil at?

What temperature does water boil at?

When I lived in the UK, I thought the answer to that question was fairly straightforward. And though I might have had an inkling that it wasn't quite that simple scientifically, it didn't really matter to me. 

However, where we live now, water boils at just over 96 degrees Celsius. We live at a height of about 1100m above sea level - and can see mountains from our house and neighbourhood! To put that into context, Snowdon is 1085m above sea level. So we live at a higher altitude than the highest mountain in England and Wales (though not quite as high as Ben Nevis in Scotland, which is 1345m). We look out onto a 'small' mountain from our flat and L and I have been talking about walking up it one day. But our 'small' mountain is about 1800m high. Whereas the huge mountain that we can see if we walk about ten minutes from our flat is just over 3900m high.

As far as I understand it, the simple explanation for why water boils at a lower temperature here is that as altitude increases, atmospheric pressure decreases. Lower pressure causes water to evaporate more quickly and so water boils at a lower temperature. 

To be honest, relative to the rest of the world we don't live at a particularly high altitude, just relative to the UK!

Living at this altitude doesn't actually make any difference to our daily lives (although L did try suggesting once that the reason he ached more after a run was maybe due to the altitude, especially as he ran half way up our 'small' mountain. Though I'm pretty sure it had more to do with the fact that he hadn't been doing much running for a while). 

However, it does impact cooking and baking. Water never reaches 100 degrees Celsius, so foods cooked in water (e.g. pasta and vegetables) can take a few minutes longer to cook. And according to what I've read, rising agents such as yeast, baking powder or bicarbonate of soda can create a larger rising effect while additional liquid might be needed in baking recipes to compensate for the faster evaporation.

I'm not sure I really notice the effects on cooking and baking that much, but it's nice to have a scientific excuse to fall back on if something doesn't turn out right: "oh, the recipe was written to be cooked at sea level so I probably need to adjust it a bit next time to take into account our altitude."

Seat belts, car seats and culture

We have a car! There are several reasons I am glad we have a car but probably the biggest reason I'm grateful for our car is that our children can now travel safely in car seats in our car.

In the UK, the law regarding car seats for children is strict and I think generally accepted. Before a newborn baby leaves hospital, nurses will often check that there is a car seat. Failing to transport children, especially small children, safely in a car is usually seen as not only illegal but a moral failing of a parent, a form of neglect. I'm generalising, I'm sure there are parents in the UK who don't use car seats for their children, but on the whole the use of car seats for small children seems to have entered the collective consciousness in the UK as one of those things that you really should do. A similar thing could also be said about wearing seatbelts; over several decades the introduction of new laws and hard-hitting television adverts has helped increase seat belt usage and convince the vast majority of the UK public as to the necessity of wearing seatbelts.

In Turkey, the law is clear. Everyone in a car must wear a seatbelt and children under 150cm and less than 35kg must be seated in an appropriate child car seat. And children are not legally permitted to travel in the front of the car.

However, it is fair to say that here, although the law may be clear, it is flouted regularly. Although I have seen some car seats in cars here, it is very common for children to sit on the laps of parents (more generally in the back, sometimes in the front) or to sit by themselves in the back, without car seats and often without seat belts. It is also common for the maximum occupancy of the car to be exceeded, sometimes considerably.

This has put us in an interesting position. I don't like the fact that we've done it, but we have, when necessary, taken our children in cars without car seats. This was a short term measure (until we got a car) and wherever possible, we have gone out of our way to try and make sure we travelled safely. However, while Turks are usually very concerned about children's safety and wellbeing, from the people I've encountered here, there often seems to be a lack of understanding about the importance of both car seats and seatbelts.

We had anticipated that some people here wouldn't understand the priority we put on our children travelling in car seats and that was a major factor in deciding to get a seven seater car - we wanted to be able to help by giving people lifts to meetings but still wanted J and S to be safe. However, when we first got our car, we hadn't really thought through what we would do if we were giving lifts to people who didn't use seat belts (never mind car seats), which led to at least one uncomfortable situation where we had children (not ours) in our car who were not safely restrained. After checking with a couple of people, we've learned that we can  politely request people in our car to wear a seatbelt without causing offence and now do so. We also don't take for granted that everyone will automatically wear their seatbelts and check; just the other day I had to remind a 17 year old to wear his seat belt. Car seats are a trickier issue because we really would cause offence if we refused to take somebody because there was no car seat. In addition, car seats are expensive. So we're still thinking through how to approach this one.

This whole issue has brought up bigger questions though. Generally people like us learn to think very carefully and wait to make judgements on any cultural issue. We have to appreciate that different cultural practices come from different cultural values, and usually that's fine. Different, and maybe sometimes a bit weird to us, but fine. I understand that Turkish culture is different from British/Western culture and just as there are both good and really terrible things that come about due to Western culture, there are similar good and bad things that arise from Turkish culture.

So we understand and accept that some things in this culture are just different and maybe a bit uncomfortable but depending on your cultural viewpoint, are not by themselves morally bad. For example, when I first heard that traditionally a woman would need to get permission from both her father and her older brother to get married, I was shocked. Why should an older brother get a say? But in this culture, an older brother has important responsibilities regarding his family, and as I live longer in this culture, I can appreciate the roots and logic of the practice.

But what do you do when there is something in the culture (in this case, a lack of awareness of the life-saving importance of seat belts and car seats) that you think it just plain wrong? Do we accept it anyway - we are guests in this country, after all - and just keep our thoughts to ourselves? Do we try and explain what we think? If so, how do we do that in a sensitive away, without causing unnecessary offence? How would we feel if a foreigner who'd lived a couple of years in the UK started trying to explain why something that British people were doing was wrong and should be done differently?

I don't have easy answers to these and we're still wrestling through with some of these questions. I think that one of the major factors has to be how important something is. Some people in Turkey believe that eating ice cream or going barefoot indoors in winter will make you ill. To be honest, those issues are not important enough that I'm going to worry too much about them. And if someone tells me my children should wear socks or they'll get ill, I'll happily explain why I don't believe that, but I'm not going to insist on converting everyone I meet to my viewpoint. However, seat belts and car seats are important and can literally be life or death issues. So that has to have an impact.

I've mentioned that we now have a practice of asking everyone in our car to wear a seat belt. I think that, given the right moment, I would take an opportunity to explain why seat belts (and car seats) are so important. And if I knew someone who was going to have a baby and I suspected that they were not thinking of buying a car seat, I might gently broach the subject with them and ask if they were going to get one. And undoubtedly as I spend longer in this culture, I might learn to take a different approach.

In thinking this through though, one of the points that has been going around my head has been how would I respond if I lived in the UK and a non-British person tried to tell me about something that many/most British people do which they believed was wrong and dangerous. Would I have the humility to listen to them? Could I conceive that I, and most of my country, might be wrong on an issue? Or if I was in the minority and happened to agree with the foreigner on the issue they were telling me about, would I be prepared to use my non-foreigner status in the UK to try and convince other British people that they should change their minds on a particular issue?