We had fun and it was fascinating from a cultural point of view. I'm fairly sure that, just as you can't necessarily draw accurate conclusions about British wedding traditions just from attending one wedding, in this Turkish wedding reception there would have been elements that were traditional to the Istanbul culture we live in, elements more traditional to Turkish culture as a whole, elements traditional to the particular communities they are part of, and elements that were not as traditional at all. So this should not be read as an information-guide on Turkish weddings, but rather an experience of just one wedding reception.
The reception started early - 6pm - mainly due to the fact that there were lots of close family members with young children coming. It was scheduled to finish at 11, we made it until 9pm with our boys then quietly slipped out (having already outlasted some of our friends who were there with young children!). It was in a large hotel (a 10 minute walk from us - hurray!) and there were probably about 160 guests. Most people arrived between 6.00 and 6.30pm, the room was full of large circular tables and we had been assigned to particular tables. A starter meze plate had already been laid out for everyone and waiters came around taking drinks orders. Both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks were available.
Meze plate: from the top, a soft white cheese; a spicy red paste called ezme; a Stilton-like cheese; smoked salmon; a more matured cheese called eski kaşar; a yoghurt dip; tuna dip; sarma; roasted aubergine; lemon. And in the middle, hummus. And of course, bread on a side plate.
After the first course was cleared away, the lights were turned off so that the only light came from the candles on the table and at the climax of some incredibly dramatic music, in walked the bride and groom. The groom was wearing black tie and the bride a white wedding dress. In most Turkish weddings, the closer a guest is related to the bride or groom, the more formal and fancier clothes they can wear. So a bride or groom's immediate family of siblings, siblings' spouses, parents may wear full length (white tie) formal dresses or black tie but most other women would refrain from wearing very formal and fancy full length dresses and either go for a slightly shorter dress or a simpler dress. Most of the women there actually wore very dark colours or black - it is completely acceptable and normal to wear black to a wedding here.
While the second (starter) course was being eaten, the bride and groom went round every table and had their photo taken with every couple or person on every table. At the same time, the bride was carrying a white bag and when a couple had their photo taken with the bride and groom, usually a card with money inside was slipped into the bride's bag. Presents could also be given. This is one of the elements that definitely changes between weddings as at other weddings sometimes gold coins and gold jewellery is given or money pinned onto the bride's dress.
Between the second course and the third (main) course, the music switched to live Turkish band, which included the saz, a traditional Turkish instrument that looks a little bit like a guitar. And once the Turkish music started, the dancing started! There were at least as many men on the dance floor if not more (and they didn't have to be dragged there!). Everyone formed a circle shape that didn't join up, linked hands loosely and the person at each end waved a scarf in their free hand. You can't see it in the video below but the dancers were all following the same simple foot pattern.
There are traditional Turkish dances done at weddings that only the men do, but when the dancers took a break we headed home. Our boys were doing incredibly well and J had to be dragged away as he wanted to stay, but S was super tired and it was just too loud for him to sleep. So we missed some of the other dancing and the cutting of the cake but we still had a great time!
